"home"

There are days that my head is buzzing and I'm left deciding what, if anything, is important enough to say.  Today is one of those days.  I am hesitantly entering this new season of transition as my tangled mind attempts to make sense of my somersaulting heart.

This morning about 20 friends and I walked to the beach to watch the sunrise.  We walked under a bridge that a man named Greg calls "home".  Silently we filed past the heap of fabric where he slept so as not to disturb his rest.  It made me realize that the past three years have transformed my concept of "home".

In the Spring of 2010, I moved to Chicago and into a dorm room on the 4th floor of Houghton at Moody Bible Institute, and let it slowly become "home". 

During the Summer of 2011, I lived in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia.  Initially I couldn't have felt more alienated, but it became "home" and it was one of the hardest places I've ever had to leave.

In the Fall of 2011, I became an RA and joined the 10th floor of Houghton.  I experienced the fastest transition to "family" I ever have.

These years have been seemingly lived out of a suitcase; all my memories are kept between the book-ends of transitions.  I'm learning that, this side of Heaven, all ground is temporary.  "Home" isn't about the walls we build, it's about the ones we tear down.  It isn't necessarily about the physical place in which we exist, but the people we do life with.  It's less about the "where" and more about the "who" that we are becoming and the "who" that is around us.  The only constant is that of the foundation of Christ.  The only unchanging One is God.  For everything, and everyone, else there are seasons and times - beginnings and ends - and that's okay.  

I pray that we always learn to tap into contentment and joy no matter where we find ourselves; that we keep our treasures in heaven and make "home" in The solid Rock instead of shifting sands.  Lets seek the wisdom to know where to put down our roots, and the courage to open our hearts and doors to those around us.

Things That Slither

What you should know as background information to the things I'm about to share: I have a small (okay, admittedly kind of large-ish) fear of snakes.

That being said... We have a pond in our yard that is lined with stones. They're not overly humongous, but they're large enough to be a heavy hassle. Recently, we were putting our pond back together for the summer and my job was to pick the stones up from the above outer edge and toss them down to my dad in the bottom of the pond. (A seemingly simple and mindless job) UNTIL I pick one up and a black snake slithers out from underneath it. (AH!) So, just as you can probably predict of any sissy-girl, I squealed and eeked and shrieked and skittered a few feet away, all the while screeching "snake, there was a snake, I swear, a snake!"





Fortunately, my dad was very understanding and he approached the rock pile to asses and take care of the situation for me. Needless to say, he picked up a rock and there was the snake (still as slithery and sick as ever). All the while my dad is saying "just come look at the little guy - check this out"; and finally picking it up and getting it out of there.

What's interesting is that God really used this situation to show me what it is that He wants to do in me this summer, only His plans have to do with my heart.

"I said, ‘Plant the good seeds of righteousness, and you will harvest a crop of love. Plow up the hard ground of your hearts, for now is the time to seek the Lord, that he may come and shower righteousness upon you.’
“But you have cultivated wickedness and harvested a thriving crop of sins. You have eaten the fruit of lies..." -Hosea 10:12-13

Though the timing isn't what I would chose necessarily, I'm definitely being led to throw off the stony parts of my heart - the heavy, awkward, binding stones. Which is a little uncomfortable in itself; but beyond that, what I'm finding are dark slithery things hiding under them. Sins I thought I was through with, lies I didn't think I'd ever believe again, hurts I never dealt with, idols I could've sworn I'd torn down, and torment galore: aka SNAKES! I don't like them, and they're scary, and they make me want to run. Instead, I'm learning that I need nothing more than to whisper four letters "P-a-p-a". He's quick to respond and bounding with grace. He doesn't laugh at me, or shame me; but instead responds with "just come look at the little guy - check this out", before ridding my heart of it. God genuinely wants me to see my brokenness, my snakes (if you will), face on. So that I can claim and proclaim it to be exactly what it is - a sin, a lie, etc. He walks us through the middle of it all as He heals. Which if I'm being honest, it's teaching me that I have (unintentionally) ran from a lot of healing already.

This time is different though. This time I'm not running. I may jump or startle as the snakes surprise me from under the stones, but I'm equipped for battle. This time I'm ready to stand, fight, and ask for help. I'm learning to confidently enter the dark, cold places in my heart. Because I know that no matter what slithery things I find- they don't stand a chance. Exposed in the Light, they shrivel, whither, and flee. What's more, is that their absence makes room for joy, peace, love, patience (and fruits of all kinds) to flood in.

I won't settle for less.

"I am the one who answers your prayers and cares for you. I am like a tree that is always green; all your fruit comes from me.” - Hosea 14:8

and...I think all-the-while, I'll cling to that ^.

In Case You Haven't Heard...

...Cake-Shakes at Portillo's are a real treat!
They literally throw a piece of cake in the blender with some ice cream and stuff. You've got to share it with a friend because it's amazingly filling :). Logan, Kristen, Chelsea & I (along with some of the brothers) enjoyed them on Friday night.






...hallway hangouts are ALWAYS permitted.
Our floor definitely spends a good amount of time hanging out in the hallway. It's a good place to bond. I especially love sleeping on the girls (like Logan) from my floor, as you can see below. (Embarassingly, my body still hasn't figured out how to be a college kid - it's ready for bed at like ten, haha).





...I have a new job!
The reason I'm spending half of my spring break in Chicago is because I was hired at Barnes & Noble Cafe! I've had two days of training and two more to go. I am very much enjoying it so far, and I feel incredibly blessed to have found a good job!

...I get to go home on Thursday.

And you better believe I am excited about that. I can't wait to go to my church, see my family, see my friends, and stare at my boyfriend ;). Oh Thursday cannot come fast enough!

That's all for now!