In 4 Months I Graduate From College?

I have places where I go when I just need to be.  In every city I've lived in so far, I have unintentionally built landmark-alters of remembrance.  These are places I go to wrestle with life, have a good cry or just talk to God.  In Eau Claire it was a specific bridge downtown.  I would pace, or sit, or even lie down there during the messy times of life.  In Minneapolis it was Loring Park.  There is a little flower garden there with benches that seemed to invite me to fall apart.  I can't tell you, yet, where I go in Chicago except for that this season it has been a transformed place.  The first tears I cried there, this semester, were happy ones.

I write this to reflect on the fact that this is my final semester at Moody and in Chicago.  I write to admit that I never could have anticipated falling in love with this place like I have.  Experiences, circumstances and people here have changed me.  I sigh, knowing that I've begun to "grow up" in a place that has been both a safe battleground and a solid foundation.

I look ahead to this semester differently, with a new twinkle in my eyes and heart.  During my first trip to Chicago in November of 2009, I hurriedly scrambled for my camera when I saw the first "Chicago" exit sign and snapped this blurry picture:

I now look at it knowing it perfectly captured the essence of an unpredictable journey.  Not much has been in focus, but the excitement is evident again.  That same 'this is going to be good' feeling in my gut has returned.  If this is really the last year of the world, I guess I'm going out on a high!

Things That Slither

What you should know as background information to the things I'm about to share: I have a small (okay, admittedly kind of large-ish) fear of snakes.

That being said... We have a pond in our yard that is lined with stones. They're not overly humongous, but they're large enough to be a heavy hassle. Recently, we were putting our pond back together for the summer and my job was to pick the stones up from the above outer edge and toss them down to my dad in the bottom of the pond. (A seemingly simple and mindless job) UNTIL I pick one up and a black snake slithers out from underneath it. (AH!) So, just as you can probably predict of any sissy-girl, I squealed and eeked and shrieked and skittered a few feet away, all the while screeching "snake, there was a snake, I swear, a snake!"





Fortunately, my dad was very understanding and he approached the rock pile to asses and take care of the situation for me. Needless to say, he picked up a rock and there was the snake (still as slithery and sick as ever). All the while my dad is saying "just come look at the little guy - check this out"; and finally picking it up and getting it out of there.

What's interesting is that God really used this situation to show me what it is that He wants to do in me this summer, only His plans have to do with my heart.

"I said, ‘Plant the good seeds of righteousness, and you will harvest a crop of love. Plow up the hard ground of your hearts, for now is the time to seek the Lord, that he may come and shower righteousness upon you.’
“But you have cultivated wickedness and harvested a thriving crop of sins. You have eaten the fruit of lies..." -Hosea 10:12-13

Though the timing isn't what I would chose necessarily, I'm definitely being led to throw off the stony parts of my heart - the heavy, awkward, binding stones. Which is a little uncomfortable in itself; but beyond that, what I'm finding are dark slithery things hiding under them. Sins I thought I was through with, lies I didn't think I'd ever believe again, hurts I never dealt with, idols I could've sworn I'd torn down, and torment galore: aka SNAKES! I don't like them, and they're scary, and they make me want to run. Instead, I'm learning that I need nothing more than to whisper four letters "P-a-p-a". He's quick to respond and bounding with grace. He doesn't laugh at me, or shame me; but instead responds with "just come look at the little guy - check this out", before ridding my heart of it. God genuinely wants me to see my brokenness, my snakes (if you will), face on. So that I can claim and proclaim it to be exactly what it is - a sin, a lie, etc. He walks us through the middle of it all as He heals. Which if I'm being honest, it's teaching me that I have (unintentionally) ran from a lot of healing already.

This time is different though. This time I'm not running. I may jump or startle as the snakes surprise me from under the stones, but I'm equipped for battle. This time I'm ready to stand, fight, and ask for help. I'm learning to confidently enter the dark, cold places in my heart. Because I know that no matter what slithery things I find- they don't stand a chance. Exposed in the Light, they shrivel, whither, and flee. What's more, is that their absence makes room for joy, peace, love, patience (and fruits of all kinds) to flood in.

I won't settle for less.

"I am the one who answers your prayers and cares for you. I am like a tree that is always green; all your fruit comes from me.” - Hosea 14:8

and...I think all-the-while, I'll cling to that ^.