A Journey of Humility

"Humility begins by emptying ourselves of ourselves. It is about coming to God without agenda and without reservation. If you are still relating to God through negotiations, you have not yet found the path of humility." -from the book Uprising by Erwin McManus

I find myself at such a place of joy today. For so long I was blind to what relationship with God looked like, but I finally feel as though the log is being removed from my sight. Looking back, I remain amazed at how far I've been carried; and my whole journey has been one of learning humility.

I've been told I have an aura, if you will, of innocence. Perhaps it's my small stature, my feminine voice, or my long hair that hides my pride. No matter the reason, for a long, long, time I acted as though I was capable of creating a life worth living. With things big and small I felt responsible to figure everything out. The humorous part of this is that I pretended like I was going to let God have a small role. I was "Christian" because I acknowledged Christ. I, honestly, would pray things like "God, I am going to go to ______ college, (or) speak to _______ person, (or) do _______ thing, so please bless that". More or less I informed God of my agenda and invited Him to watch me, and if He so desired- to drop a blessing in here and there.

It wasn't until this past summer that I was broken enough to say, ' you know what... I'm doing something wrong here and I am desperate for new life'. I began to learn to let go. I threw my agendas, plans, and reservations out the door. (Don't get me wrong, this wasn't without some fear and hesitation). I began to pray prayers of "God lead me", "God take me wherever you want me", "God renovate me", God use me however you want", "Speak to and through me", "I'm not in it if you're not", etc. The repercussions of this at first looked similar to disorientation. I felt more lost and confused. Ironically (or not) it drove me to my knees. It pushed me to a place where I needed God's Will to pass in my life or it was going to be the end of me. At first I kept trying to help Him, but THIS IS THE CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE, He doesn't need my help. I quickly learned that He was only disorienting me so that I would let Him reorient me.

When I finally let go, and simply stood in agreement with God; it was as if He took my hand and ran - pulling me along like a child. I knew I was supposed to talk to my pastor, but I couldn't give him a good reason why. Yet he is the reason I found out about MBI. I applied for Moody 16 days after the "last" deadline, completing five 500word essays in one night. I attended the last tour day before their winter break, received a full-tuition-paid scholarship, and I had just enough saved up in my bank account to not have to take out a loan for room and board this semester. And here I am. Not only did He run me to a new school, town, and community; He ran me into Freedom. People ask how I'm doing and the word "well" is the best adjective I can come up with, but that is an incredible understatement. This brings me back to the fact that this whole journey has been about humility. It almost feels like it's been orchestrated beyond me, and I'm just watching it all from the outside.

Before I left for Chicago, I (very hesitantly) shared some of the songs I've written with my church community. Pushing through nervous laughs, sweaty palms, and shaky hands began to stretch me. Last night I was then able to share one of them with my new community here. This isn't who I used to be. This would've been way out of my comfort zone. BUT, God spoke through the words of my (nervously played) song to strike a chord in at least one girl's heart; and that makes everything worth it. I'm continually humbled to see that my ability is small, but when I'm walking in obedience signs and wonders will follow. God will always show up. I have so much to learn but I am excited instead of discouraged.

The theme verse (from 2 Corinthians) for our floor, in my dorm, resonates with all this; it refers to the fact that God's power is made perfect in my weakness, and that His grace is sufficient for us. Amen to that.

Birthday Weekend!

My friend Marah drove up from KY to spend the weekend with me in Chicago. We had an awesome time hanging out and exploring the city :) ....

Time Flys When You're Having Fun... No Really, It Does!

My new Roomie (Sarah/SJ) and I!

I have completed my first week at MBI, and what an adventure it’s been! I visited a new church, experienced the infamous Argo Tea, enjoyed the “ghetto” McDonalds twice, drove a couple girls and I to Target (through downtown Chicago), lost all of my Moody keys only to have them returned to me within 24 hours (hah), attended a seminar on how to get a job, learned the dos and don’ts as far as eating in the cafeteria goes, and mysteriously had my printer poop out on me. This was all besides attending classes, going to Chapels, doing homework, sleeping (a little), doing laundry, and exercising once (if not twice) a day!!!! PHEW!

My very first train ride, with Kia


Argo Tea with Chelsea!

Crazy birds under the heater at the train station, haha

I can tell that I’m really going to enjoy my time here. I already see my time filling with golden opportunities. It’s actually been incredibly difficult to pick and choose only some things. I plan to try out for the volleyball team, and that starts in a week or so! I’ve been physically working hard, and I’m nervous but hopeful… so we’ll see how that goes. I also want to join a group on campus called “Puente”; a Hispanic student group. They do some expected Spanish-student-group activities, but also service projects and missions, etc. This semester they plan on targeting a primarily Mexican group in South Chicago through different outreaches. We (MBI students) also received our Practical Christian Ministry (PCM) assignments this week. This is a pass/fail credit for each student on campus, requiring us to go out and serve each week. I’ll be taking part in an organization called Child Evangelism Fellowship (CEF). I am thrilled about this. It is, more or less, a chance for me to teach publicly-schooled kids (in an after-school program) about their Creator. It’s once a week for two hours, and is treated similar to a year-long VBS. On top of all this, I should really apply for some jobs. Chicago offers a unique variety of places to be employed, so I’ve got to scope out my options a little first!

I have six classes for the semester: 1) Christian Missions, 2) Christianity & Western Culture I, 3) Bible Intro, 4) New Testament Survey, 5) History and Theology of Urban I, and 6) Understanding the City. My favorite classes will probably be Bible Intro and History and Theology of Urban. The professor for Bible Intro is perhaps one of the most entertaining men I have ever met; Dr. Sauer. He holds a sense of intensity that I can’t even put into words. Dr. Sauer has translated much of the bible himself, and so in class we use the SIV (Sauer Inspired Version). His plethora of knowledge is incredible, his life experience is humbling, his pursuit of God is encouraging, and his humongous heart for his students makes you feel like you’re one of his own. The latter of the two is a class that has my other favorite professor: Clive Craigen. This man will not only be the professor for many of my classes, but my academic advisor as well. (My major here is interdisciplinary, with a focus on Urban Ministry and a sub-focus on International Ministry). Clive is the advisor of all Urban Majors. I couldn’t feel more pleased. His theology is solid and similar to mine; he holds a go-with-the-flow policy, values experience over textbooks, and I know I’ll learn a lot through him. Like Dr. Sauer his personal life experience already wows me. In general the professors here are incomparable. I feel so blessed. They want and love to be here to pour into, pray for, and even learn from us. They each bring unique experiences and radical life stories to share. They make Moody a refreshing place to learn, challenge, and grow as broken humans. I’ve only experienced five of them so far, but I appreciate them so much. Who knew bible school would be such an amazing change? (Okay… I’ll admit… I kind of thought it might be! But- it has blown the roof off my, even high, expectations.)

Marah is coming for the weekend from Kentucky to stay with me over my birthday. I can’t wait until she arrives tonight =). I just have so many reasons to be joyful, I don’t even know what to do with myself.

Orientation Weekend at Moody

You know that you’re a new student when…
-You park your car in a ramp that locks at 5pm, and you don’t have a key; with your socks, chap-stick, and coffee maker stranded inside!
-You assume “SDR” stands for Student Diet Regulations, (when it really abbreviates Student Dining Room). You also think "CPO" might be a Star Wars reference, when in fact it relates to the Post Office.
-Your schedule for the morning reads “Breakfast, Orientation 1, Orientation 2, Orientation 3, & Lunch”.
-You get stuck in the basement tunnels because the building you wanted to exit through won't be open for another hour.
-You re-organize your closet three times, and then realize you’ve got a five-drawer empty dresser you should be using as well.

I am also so thankful that former students are welcoming…
-“Welcome to Moody Bridal Institute”
-“You’re from the North aren’t you?” … “I could tell by your accent.”
-“I see you’re eating a pita, are you a ‘Veg’? All vegetarians love the pitas.”
-“Oh WI, are you a Brett Favre fan?”

Honestly though, I feel so blessed. This town and school have been so refreshing to me and I’ve never felt more led. I’m expectant and excited for what’s to come. I’ve been meeting so many amazing people; fueling a sort of crave inside me to just want to know people here – to really know them. I’m thankful for the chance to experience freedom and independence. I can’t wait to see what sort of opportunities are to come, and experiences I’ll have.

I’ll meet my roommate tonight and I couldn’t be more excited. I’m filled with a childlike anticipation of what this week will bring. It’s embarrassing how badly I want to soak in all that the professors here have to offer. Coming from a public school I know that I’ll appreciate what they offer on a whole new level. I’m hungry to be trained.

I finally found where I belong. (THANK GOD!!!!)