It only takes a drop of doubt to create a storm of fear and but a moment of submission to deceit to be overwhelmed. It only takes a single false judgment to feel consumed by shame and a subtle poke at a wound to stir up a world of pain.
Somewhere between graduating college and stumbling into this transitory season I stopped fighting. But about a week ago, in the middle of the night, somewhere between heavy tears and throwing punches to heaven I decided something had to change.
It only takes a mustard-seed of faith to move a mountain and a whispered "yes" for our Creator to come to our rescue. It only takes a ray of light to scatter the darkness and a single breath of Truth to bring us back to Life.
Sometimes when I feel stuck in my current reality I flip through past journals, reminding myself of the unending faithfulness of God. Like the disciples, I quickly forget to rest in God's promises and trust in His provision. I do exactly the thing I most hope to avoid - I forget, I backslide, I revert. But that's not the end of the story; I am a work in progress and it's high-time I let Humility bring me back to Grace, once more. It's time some things die in me to make room for new life, again.
A year ago I sat in the Ethiopian sunshine meditating on Psalm 121:8 - "The LORD will guard your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forever".
I wrote:
"Overall the displacement I feel is not unexpected, but the peacefulness of reliance and dependence on God through it has been very rewarding. I don't want to miss a moment that has been ordained for me here. I want to walk through every open door in confidence that the God of this universe is constantly within and without of me. I rest in a peace here that I don't yet understand, and honestly don't even need to. Life looks different as I slow down and process each moment as it comes.
With fresh perspective, I anticipate radical refinement of my life. Holding tight to promises and truth, I walk in expectation of more and better life - both for the people around me and for my own soul. The journey of letting God show me who I am has hardly been this defined. The expectations here are off. No one is throwing guilt or shame on me. I get lost in the freedom of relationships and overjoyed by removing limits and requirements.
Whatever this is that has begun to take root, I want it to stay and grow and live in me. I hope it flows from my thoughts, actions and words; that through me a Kingdom-crave would be magnetic and contagious."
With no new words, I'll walk through and from conviction patiently. I'll choose to put my faith, not in the God I think I want, but in the God who Is.
Don't stop fighting.
Somewhere between graduating college and stumbling into this transitory season I stopped fighting. But about a week ago, in the middle of the night, somewhere between heavy tears and throwing punches to heaven I decided something had to change.
It only takes a mustard-seed of faith to move a mountain and a whispered "yes" for our Creator to come to our rescue. It only takes a ray of light to scatter the darkness and a single breath of Truth to bring us back to Life.
Sometimes when I feel stuck in my current reality I flip through past journals, reminding myself of the unending faithfulness of God. Like the disciples, I quickly forget to rest in God's promises and trust in His provision. I do exactly the thing I most hope to avoid - I forget, I backslide, I revert. But that's not the end of the story; I am a work in progress and it's high-time I let Humility bring me back to Grace, once more. It's time some things die in me to make room for new life, again.
A year ago I sat in the Ethiopian sunshine meditating on Psalm 121:8 - "The LORD will guard your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forever".
I wrote:
"Overall the displacement I feel is not unexpected, but the peacefulness of reliance and dependence on God through it has been very rewarding. I don't want to miss a moment that has been ordained for me here. I want to walk through every open door in confidence that the God of this universe is constantly within and without of me. I rest in a peace here that I don't yet understand, and honestly don't even need to. Life looks different as I slow down and process each moment as it comes.
With fresh perspective, I anticipate radical refinement of my life. Holding tight to promises and truth, I walk in expectation of more and better life - both for the people around me and for my own soul. The journey of letting God show me who I am has hardly been this defined. The expectations here are off. No one is throwing guilt or shame on me. I get lost in the freedom of relationships and overjoyed by removing limits and requirements.
Whatever this is that has begun to take root, I want it to stay and grow and live in me. I hope it flows from my thoughts, actions and words; that through me a Kingdom-crave would be magnetic and contagious."
With no new words, I'll walk through and from conviction patiently. I'll choose to put my faith, not in the God I think I want, but in the God who Is.
Don't stop fighting.
