Stepping Out, Standing Firm, and Chasing The Goose

I keep coming back to the same place of anxiousness over and over. It's really a matter of trust. A matter of trusting God is good, of trusting that He always has my best interest in mind, trusting He knows what he's doing, and trusting that when I follow I'm completely taken care of. All of this led me to dig in a little as to what the bible has to say about trust, and I came across some seriously interesting stuff, and so I thought I’d share…

The word “Trust” (including other forms of it, like trusting, trusted, trusts, trustworthy) appears in the bible* about 221 times. The exact word “trust” appears about 134 times, the phrase “trust in God” appears 7 times, “trust in him” appears 11 times, and “trust the lord” appears 12 times. The bible has a lot to say about trust. Interestingly enough, “trust yourself” never appears in the bible; not that I can find anyway. To me this blows the idea of letting yourself be led by God, out of the water!! Suddenly there’s an urgency to realize that it’s ever important that we realize the repercussions of trust. The written word has so much to say about it.

It seems that we start out living in trust; mostly because we don’t have a choice. We trust someone will feed us, teach us to walk, teach us to talk, respond to our cries, brush our hair, give us baths, and protect us. But then we grow up and we 'grow out', of trust. Somewhere along the lines, someone “fails” us, they let us down, they mislead us, abuse us, or use us. After that we generally don't trust again unless someone really earns it... Now in theory, this is just our protective, defensive nature at work. It can be healthy, and God-given. It can be a matter of guarding our heart even. I don't think it's always wrong to have caution with people, BUT it’s been breaking my heart lately that we wrongly apply this idea to God; at least I have stuck that on Him. I act as though He could let me down, as though perhaps He’ll make a mistake, and as though He won’t keep His promises.
Well, God doesn’t fail us. God won’t fail me.

In fact the bible has the exact phrase “unfailing love” between its covers about 121 times!! God continually shows this unmatched, unfailing love to His people. Even beyond that, the bible writes that God is love and love is God. That’s not coincidence, accident, or the writer’s confusion with words… God is unfailing. If we can’t trust Him for any other reason, this can be the one. He’s constant and solid. He’s consistent and intentional. He’s sovereign and for us. He’s never-ending and unfailing. He is trustworthy.

All this being said I’ve uncovered a type of courage within my heart that I never knew existed. Such confidence comes from taking the hand of my Father and stepping out to let Him lead me wherever He knows I need to be. I reference the phrase "Chasing the goose" in this title in correlation with a book I read this past summer entitled Wild Goose Chase by Mark Batterson; (a good read). It's within this book that following the lead of the Holy Spirit is said to be like chasing a wild goose. I'm now beginning to live that out, knowing to some it will look crazy; but I stand firm in the fact that nothing could be more rewarding than living in the adventure of obedience to a Creator that guarantees life to the full.

And so, all that being said, let me share something else… I will be going to Moody Bible Institute!

Now those of you who’ve been close to me during any part of the last nine months, know of my indecisiveness with life lately. I’ve searched and searched. I’ve even really started to dive into things and then pull out, just not feeling right about it. Some of them were even really “good” things. I had the chance to spend time serving God in Mexico, and be a part of a Master’s Commission in Fort Worth. (And this is not to say that God couldn’t have used me there). But this is different. I’m content, and even more I’m satisfied and excited. It feels like an invitation. It's actually just strange to me still. The whole thing has been orchestrated outside of my control, leaving me feeling like it's still all a little too good to be true. It’s not something I would have thought of or chosen for myself necessarily, but it’s a good fit.

Anytime change, especially big change, is about to happen… there is fear; and this is no different. I have my selfish fears. Fears of what my family will look like, fears of what my relationships will look like, fears about finances, etc. But above all, I'm going to trust; and most of all, trust that God is good. Beyond everything, I have new born courage and confidence that nothing could be more of a blessing. I’ve been praying for a place like this to fall in my lap for months, yearning for some place of my own, and starving for God’s will to be big for my life; and here it is, knocking at my door. Obstacles and challenges are to come, I know that, but so will joy. Walking in obedience means joy will come, blessings will come, and the Kingdom will come. He’s been preparing my heart, mind, and body for this; and now I’m all the more eager.

*My biblical counts and references come almost strictly from the New Living Translation, unless otherwise noted.
And some of my favorite references to trust that I came across include the following verses, in case you’re looking for some to read about: Psalm 9:10, Psalm 28:7, Psalm 56:3, Isaiah 40:31, Ephesians 3:17, and Philippians 1:29.

One Friday, A Future?

I toured Moody Bible Institute this week with my dad.

I will first clarify that Chicago is in fact always windy; doesn't matter where or when! The city is huge. It's really breath-taking at night... I found myself continually spinning in place attempting to take it all in; an impossible feat.

I've never felt "at home" in any particular city. My feeling of "home" has always been rooted in the relationships I've formed in places. I would say that a good majority of people do get attached to a literal place, they fall in love with a location; which I wouldn't say is a bad thing. But people are home to me. I love Eau Claire because I love my church, my family and my friends. I loved the U of M because I loved the relationships I got to stir and start. Chicago was mostly the same way. I was more bright-eyed and curious than usual, but I wasn't instantly thinking "please let this be home". There are a lot of amazing things to do, see, and experience for sure... but it is just another cool place.

And then there was Moody Bible Institute...

I felt different there than I ever have, in a good way. The tour day wasn't really what I expected. I've done college tours before. Typically they jazz things up and make a big deal about the visitors. This day was more or less typical for them; and I loved that it wasn't a production. We were invited to sit in the back of a typical chapel, join an everyday class, and tour very much lived-in dorms. The theme of the day was "One Friday. Your Future"; hence the title of this blog! It was very cool the way they emphasized now and the future.

There are endless human resources there. I got to hear from a missionary to Muslims, a Hungarian youth pastor, a Mongolian missions professor, a Dominican Republic student, and an admissions counselor that transferred colleges four times before graduating from Moody. Every Moody advocate used the saying "Moody is all about Ministry, it's very focused, and if you're waiting for an apology - it's not coming". It wasn't an attitude of we're better, it was an posture of we're different. You can't go there and major in Engineering, Biology, or Accounting. It's all ministry. Every student graduates as a double major. You major in Bible, and then a 2nd focus of your choice. You attend knowing that you're headed for a life of ministry. If I could scream on this blog site, I would... I can't contain my excitement.

Each student is required to do a Practical Christian Ministry (PCM). It's a mandatory, every semester, pass/fail credit. You have to get involved every single week. You can choose anything, it just has to be something where you're serving God. You can volunteer at a school in China town, serve at the YMCA, teach music to inner-city youth, visit jails/prisons, participate in art ministry, host a bible study, volunteer at a crisis pregnancy center, tutor, lead a worship team, participate at a homeless shelter, speak at a cross-cultural club... the list goes on and on!! My heart races just talking about it. They don't let you grow stagnant. You have to live out your faith continually. Check it out on their site if you want: http://www.moody.edu/uploadedFiles/Education/Undergraduate/Undergraduate_Programs/For_All_Students/Field_Education_Practical_Christian_Ministries/EDU_PCMVideo_Popup.html

The students, (professors, counselors, and advisors), that I talked to were full of life. They were hungry, seeking, and real. I didn't feel judged. I felt confident, courageous, and even accepted. People were genuinely interested and encouraging. This isn't to say that I know every student and faculty is incredibly solid as a Christian or person, but you have to want to go to this school. You have to write 4-5, 500word, essays on the application. They accept a little over half of their current applicants. On top of that the student life expectation book (aka Rule Book), is 60 pages long. There is a dress code, a curfew, visiting hours, media expectations, language expectations, marriage standards, etc, etc. This seems extensive, and it felt obnoxious at first. But it creates a community of people that genuinely want to be there to pursue ministry. They're still messy and broken people, but they didn't fake their way through the admissions process, and they don't give up hours of their time every week because their bored. It's because something deep inside them needs God's will to pass. They need the Kingdom to come to earth, and the campus buzzes with that urgency.

I am still very prayerful about it, but it seems like such an amazing place to learn and grow. It presents extremely unique opportunities because of its location, faculty, reputation, and even the students it attracts. Its imperfect as an Institution but it seems like a very, very good fit for me. It would be scary and hard to leave everything that is familiar and comfortable for me. But I'm not running away from the people I love, I'm simply running toward God; the One who has more and better for me. I trust that in obedience I'll be continually blessed. It still all seems too good to be true; just talking about it gets me excited, expectant, and hopeful! I'm reminded that we really do have a Creator that knows the deepest workings of our hearts, and desperately longs to see us joyful in serving Him. If we're willing to let go of the pen and surrender control, He'll write something beautiful and lead us right where we need to be. *Smiles*.

If I Were A Dog, My Tail Would Be Wagging

Yes, I have officially joined the "Blogger" bandwagon; and I must admit there are some pretty cool features. (I know that my background and such is weird... I'll work on that.) Xanga can just be boring and limited after about three years, lol. Anyway, let me tell you about some wicked-awesome things today:

Looking ahead to this fall created a lot of anxiety, confusion, and frustration for me. I spent last spring and summer searching unceasingly for something more / something better. I found a lot of frustration in not knowing what was to come; where would I end up, (literally)? Yet all of that disorientation has led to one of the most exciting times for me. Here I am, in the middle of some really cool stuff...

I have, fairly recently, applied to a handful of schools in hopes of transferring for the second semester. (I'm currently enrolled at the University of Minnesota). And if you're really itching for details about my application process and such, I wrote about it at my previous blogsite here: http://watttigar08.xanga.com/715167225/in-a-nutshell/.

Two days ago I received a letter back from Moody Bible Institute stating my acceptance! Wahoo! Though it took me a little over three hours to open the envelope, it has marked the beginning of an exciting time for me. Over the next few weekends I will be touring different schools, waiting to hear back from others, and praying desperately for direction. Conveniently enough, it starts this weekend with the school in which I know I've got the 'in' if I want it! I leave on Thursday to tour Moody in Chicago, and the most awesome part is that it's going to be only my dad and I. This is a big deal, and I honestly can't wait to just go. That's really how I'm feeling in general lately. I'm fired up, about everything and nothing. I'm craving change and anticipating nothing ordinary.

and I'm hungrier than ever before for God's will to be done in my life...
We just had our Fall Retreat for youth group this past weekend. It was nothing like I expected. Actually I was almost disappointed, definitely frustrated, and left with a lot of questions. On Saturday night in fact, three of us stayed after service for hours just sitting in the empty, cold, and quiet "Tabernacle" to wrestle with God. It's like we were waiting for something, anything! He just didn't show up like I thought He would; like I wanted Him to. So I threw a fit of selfishness. I didn't get my way and someone was going to hear about it.

Yet I now see some things in a new light.
I) The way I felt on Saturday of the retreat, is the way I lived this past summer. And through my waiting, though I kicked and screamed many times, I have been unbelievably blessed.
II) I usually leave retreat thinking that things couldn't get any better. I've left warm, fuzzy, and bright-eyed about the God I spent all weekend crying over. But this retreat, I left hungry. I'm left craving more, expecting more, and anticipating more.
III) I got to really stir some relationships - old and new. After service and during break times, I never felt the urge to bury my face in the carpet until someone came to me. Instead I felt composed and open. I went to people, instead of them always coming to me; and I said things that were out of my comfort zone (but in obedience) because I felt courageous and confident instead of merely broken.

In conclusion, a lot of cool things are happening in my heart, mind, and life. I feel like I'm running in place, really quickly. And if I were a dog, with a tail, it would definitely be wagging!