Yes, I have officially joined the "Blogger" bandwagon; and I must admit there are some pretty cool features. (I know that my background and such is weird... I'll work on that.) Xanga can just be boring and limited after about three years, lol. Anyway, let me tell you about some wicked-awesome things today:
Looking ahead to this fall created a lot of anxiety, confusion, and frustration for me. I spent last spring and summer searching unceasingly for something more / something better. I found a lot of frustration in not knowing what was to come; where would I end up, (literally)? Yet all of that disorientation has led to one of the most exciting times for me. Here I am, in the middle of some really cool stuff...
I have, fairly recently, applied to a handful of schools in hopes of transferring for the second semester. (I'm currently enrolled at the University of Minnesota). And if you're really itching for details about my application process and such, I wrote about it at my previous blogsite here: http://watttigar08.xanga.com/715167225/in-a-nutshell/.
Two days ago I received a letter back from Moody Bible Institute stating my acceptance! Wahoo! Though it took me a little over three hours to open the envelope, it has marked the beginning of an exciting time for me. Over the next few weekends I will be touring different schools, waiting to hear back from others, and praying desperately for direction. Conveniently enough, it starts this weekend with the school in which I know I've got the 'in' if I want it! I leave on Thursday to tour Moody in Chicago, and the most awesome part is that it's going to be only my dad and I. This is a big deal, and I honestly can't wait to just go. That's really how I'm feeling in general lately. I'm fired up, about everything and nothing. I'm craving change and anticipating nothing ordinary.
and I'm hungrier than ever before for God's will to be done in my life...
We just had our Fall Retreat for youth group this past weekend. It was nothing like I expected. Actually I was almost disappointed, definitely frustrated, and left with a lot of questions. On Saturday night in fact, three of us stayed after service for hours just sitting in the empty, cold, and quiet "Tabernacle" to wrestle with God. It's like we were waiting for something, anything! He just didn't show up like I thought He would; like I wanted Him to. So I threw a fit of selfishness. I didn't get my way and someone was going to hear about it.
Yet I now see some things in a new light.
I) The way I felt on Saturday of the retreat, is the way I lived this past summer. And through my waiting, though I kicked and screamed many times, I have been unbelievably blessed.
II) I usually leave retreat thinking that things couldn't get any better. I've left warm, fuzzy, and bright-eyed about the God I spent all weekend crying over. But this retreat, I left hungry. I'm left craving more, expecting more, and anticipating more.
III) I got to really stir some relationships - old and new. After service and during break times, I never felt the urge to bury my face in the carpet until someone came to me. Instead I felt composed and open. I went to people, instead of them always coming to me; and I said things that were out of my comfort zone (but in obedience) because I felt courageous and confident instead of merely broken.
In conclusion, a lot of cool things are happening in my heart, mind, and life. I feel like I'm running in place, really quickly. And if I were a dog, with a tail, it would definitely be wagging!
I felt that way at one of the NCU praise gatherings. For the first few weeks, it was the most intense spiritual high, and then His presence disappeared. I could see Him move, hear Him speak, but it felt empty. He showed me afterward that I was seeking blessing. He brought me back to, "Do you want God or just His stuff?" and showed me He doesn't have to do what I want or expect from Him.
ReplyDeleteSuch a good point Zech! Thanks for always caring and sharing :)
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