abstract ramblings

I find myself juxtaposed.

With a pomegranate-green tea on my right and a stack of un-graded papers strewn about the floor-space around my feet, I can't help but smile. Beautiful chaos. This week has been absolutely crazy. I've slept a little and laughed a lot.

"You're a whirlwind of unapolagetic stubborn confidence and unmistakable joy".
I am? I laugh, (again, I'm telling you I've laughed a lot).

I didn't see this coming; I didn't expect this from myself. Then, a still small voice reminds me that it's not from myself. *Insert sigh of agreement here*.

Each morning this week I slowly opened my eyes with the sound of my alarm, expecting to feel the weight of the invisible 2ton truck that used to hit me right about now. No, Nope, No, No, No... It never comes. It's been rerouted, unloaded or all together replaced. Hallelujah!

I can't begin to type the things I've completed this week because you'd all be intimidated and think I was boasting. Haha, subtly I think that sentance did the boasting for me anyway. And I'm not about to type a list of the things I've left to do this weekend & week, because I don't even want to go there right now.

Catching my breath and clearing my mind I'm found content. Somewhere between then and now, I've found peace, hope and joy beyond reason. With no good or rational answer, I look up to the sky and say "You're beautiful".

So much behind me, so much around me, so much in front of me and all in Love. Fear in one thing and one thing alone: the One who holds the stars and my heart, the same.

He created and creates; I too am creating



Romans 8:38-39
"For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

an unlikely defendant

My plea:
I'm a walking, undeserving mess.

The Sentence*:
Therefore, having been justified by faith,
You have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ,
through whom also you have obtained your introduction by faith
into this grace in which you stand;
and you exult in hope of the glory of God.

And not only this, but you also exult in our tribulations,
knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance;

and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope;

and hope does not disappoint,
because the love of God has been poured out
within your heart
through the Holy Spirit who was given to you.

For while you were still helpless,
at the right time Christ died for the ungodly.

For one will hardly die for a righteous man;
though perhaps for the good man someone would dare even to die.

But God demonstrates His own love toward you,
in that while you were yet a sinner, Christ died for you.

Much more then,
having now been justified by His blood,
you shall be saved from the wrath of God through Him.

For if while you were an enemy
you were reconciled to God through the death of His Son,
much more, having been reconciled,
you shall be saved by His life.

And not only this,
but you also exult in God through our Lord Jesus Christ,
through whom you have now received the reconciliation.



*Romans 5 | Interpretation & Application

reNEWal

YOU make me new


YOU are making me new


YOU make me new


YOU are making me new





You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us


all around / life is springing up from this old ground


out of chaos life is being found in YOU

For Your Viewing Pleasure

You are welcome :).

HelloGoodbye, and I don't mean the band

This season of life is controlled chaos. In a matter of twelve months I will have spent time in Illinois, Wisconsin, Texas, Minnesota and Ethiopia. I have taken the liberty of titling this chapter: life from a suitcase.

If it has taught me anything about myself, it’s that:
I love arriving, but I hate leaving.

I find joy in looking forward. I like for things to change and shift; I thrive in the new and different. This has worked to my benefit as I've kept pace with a number of opportunities.

I can become almost obsessive with what's next, however. I was recently telling a friend that being an RA means I am obligated to return in the fall. And then I laughed. I love it here, I seriously do. For the first time in a while I feel as though I really belong. But I wouldn't put it past my adventure-craving self to want something new: which I do realize would be incredibly irresponsible and irrational. I share this just to admit how deeply unsettled I tend to be.

This itch to continually start new seasons in my life, however, doesn't exist without irony. I have a really hard time leaving. Once I'm "there", I'm off and running. The transition period itself, on the other hand, is my weak point. I'm not so good at 'goodbye'. Honestly, it's not such a big deal or problem in and of itself. But this semester, I've realized it's deeper than my circumstances. It's a condition of my heart.

There are circumstances, dreams, thoughts, attitudes and relationships of my life that are changing and being made new. This is what I want[ed], hope[d] and pray[ed] for. Yet here I am, throwing a fit in the transition; because leaving the old is hard, uncomfortable and scary.

I am learning what it looks like to live out Philippians 2:13, "For it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure".
Another translation reads: "For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases Him".

Take heart, take hope.