A Story To Be Told: Prayer

May 2, 2010

Dear May... Where Did You Even Come From!?

Between 'Summer' and Ashley: 13 days, 4 shifts at Barnes & Noble Cafe, 5 days of classes, 5 final papers ranging 3-15 pages each, 1 presentation, 3 finals, 1 volleyball meeting, 1 PCM night, some serious packing, and a whole lot of enjoying the relationships started here :). PHEW!

There's nothing like an 11pm ice cream run to keep motivations and homework-doing-spirits high...

Somehow I'm found at the end of the semester; always taken by how quickly time passes. It's been a semester of growth beyond measure. I didn't necessarily plan to come here. (Well for a month I did - but that's not the way I usually do things). Which started the semester off with a new, unique tone.

I came in wide-eyed and eager; and those qualities are only being refined in me. I found myself so quickly welcomed to dream, ask, fight, learn, explore, and share life. For some of the first times, I could voice the dreams God's laying on my heart and be encouraged. The professors here don't melt down when I give them my financial plans. No more "Oh Sweetheart, that sounds nice... now let me help you conform your passions to an occupation where you can make a lot of money". Never once have I heard "...but you're so smart, you could go so far". Instead I get to be spoiled in an environment in which "how can I help you get there, or do that?" frequents conversation. Beyond the community that has poured into me, I'm learning to draw.

God is the author of my life, but I don't think he minds me supplementing His story with my pictures as He gives me crayons <(click that link to read an awesome blog entry from one of my favorite authors: Donald Miller). I've said "yes" to so many opportunities He's given me. Sometimes I felt as though I were being dragged along, and sometimes I was intentionally running - but regardless of the season He continued to open doors. I joined the volleyball team, and participated in their Spring training. I joined a student group called Acting On Aids (through which I got to meet Kay Warren!!!), and next fall I may be an executive member. I worked at a cafe in the city, which has left me with a couple new pen-pals and irreplaceable relationships. I began attending a Hispanic church, which I'll get to serve in next semester. I learned to love prayer; I've seen glimpses of it's power. I took on a project on Addis Ababa which fueled a new-found passion for Ethiopia as a whole. I've discovered the joy of encouraging my peers through words (written & spoken) and gifts. And I've shared music with a freedom beyond my silly nerves.

(I do realize my Bethany Dillon fettish may be on the verge of unhealthy, but seriously - it's a good song... click the link >) I don't know what's in store for this summer; I just trust it will be good. I don't even know where I'll be working for sure yet - but I know who provides. Though I've put up a fight; though I've kicked, screamed, and cried... Philippians 4:6 has finally been sown into my heart and woven throughout the pieces of life God has taught me to trust him with (aka everything).
"Don't worry about anything; instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done."
If only I could've learned and lived this 20 years ago.

It might be the end of a semester, but it's only the beginning of an adventure. One of: following God, maturing in faith, stretching in ways I couldn't have imagined or planned, seeking the Kingdom, loving my neighbor, praying unceasingly, living in integrity, deepening humility, learning obedience, growing in joy, sacrificing my sins, saying "YES!" to opportunities from my Creator, and soooo much more. I'm a walking mess; but I'm being taken from one degree of glory to another. And I'm stinkin' excited about that.

March 6, 2010

In Snow, Sand, and Sunshine

Aprendiendo a rezar...

Since I've come to Moody, the biggest thematic lesson God is giving me is on prayer. I am learning to pray, it's as simple as that. It's not that I didn't pray before arriving here, my idea of prayer is just being radically refined. We're to pray relentlessly, unceasingly, diligently, confidently, genuinely, and kingdom-mindedly; and though undeserved, He hears, answers, moves, speaks, keeps His every promise, and is ever-patient with us. Also, seemingly most importantly we're to remember that we were created with two ears and one mouth, and we should use them accordingly. God's heart is to tell us, show us, and teach us His will in His timing; the Word tells us His sheep know his voice .* God speaks to us through His word, through another person or a song, and sometimes directly (and specifically) to our hearts. He never contradicts Himself, never lies**, and never fails***. (Phew! I'm also learning that it never gets old to talk/type about how amazingly good God is).

Then yesterday happened.

This the start of our spring break, so people have been stirring, packing, leaving, hugging, etc. I was feeling a little broken, honestly. I was recently hired at a Cafe (more to come about that), which is a huge blessing... but the timing just isn't what I would've chosen. I was so ready to go home, not to do training for a new job. I'm only staying in Chicago for a week of the 18-day break, but yesterday there would've been no convincing me that that was fair in the least. As Graci Mitchell (a 3-year-old I love) sang to me over the phone, my eyes welled with tears. I just want to hold her. Feeling mildly ridiculous, I thought to myself I just need to do something... I packed a small bag with my bible, my camera, my journal, and some cash and decided I was just going to go for a walk. I didn't know where I was going to go, but I knew I needed to pray; my new default instinct to all things! So I left... which turned out to be an excellent decision.

I was pleasantly greeted by sunshine.

The weather was picturesque. I thought to myself, if only I could remove all these buildings to feel the full effect of the sun. I then decided the closest I was going to get to that was being on the "beach" by lake Michigan. I walked there, found a dry spot of sand, and rolled myself onto my back. It was so bright I could barely keep my eyes open. My only prayer was God, be my comfort. Just as I prayed three white birds flew through the blue sky above me. I giggled in the irony of the trinity idea. I closed my eyes for a moment, but opened them again as they began to leak. This time two white birds flew over me and my heart was reminded of John 14: "And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Advocate (Comforter, Encourager, Counselor), who will never leave you. He is the Holy Spirit, who leads into all truth. The world cannot receive him, because it isn't looking for him and doesn't recognize him. But you know him, because he lives with you now and later will be in you." (vs 16-17). One of the birds has made a home in my heart. When I'm feeling discouraged, alone, frustrated, confused, (or any emotion across the spectrum); I need not to look anywhere but to the One who lives in me, (and with, around, and above me). What joy I'm finding in the fact that the One who sastisfies my every need, is the same One who relentlessly pursues me, and intimately knows the innermost workings of my heart, soul, body, and mind.

"...remove all these buildings..."

As I said earlier, the first thought I had as I stepped into the sunshine was that I wished I could remove all the buildings. Ironically, I'm continually discovering that is exactly what God desires to do in my heart; to burn away everything that is not of Him so that I might simply lay in the presence of the sun (Son). I ache for the walls to fall, longing to feel the heat of His fire. It's about time for a renovation. It's about time for the Kingdom# to come and replace the distractions, temptations, and idols in my life.