My Ache-y Break-y Heart

I like the Ravens, a lot. Now you may be found shaking your head or smirking. For which I'll cut you some slack seeing as this fetish did start semi-recently. But it proved it's genuineness as I watched the game on Saturday and found myself emotionally tied to the players and coaches. And they lost. I don't want to talk about that anymore.



Seriously though, my heart is ache-y brake-y lately and I come not to vent or complain, but to share.

I returned to Moody this semester, ready for the next thing(s). Having been filled with time at home among family and friends. Yet I have felt more separation this semester than ever before. I miss people like I never have before. Leaving has never really been difficult for me. But now that I'm a second semester junior in college it's harder than ever... haha, what!? I have a theory that it's simply because this is the first time I've spent three consecutive semesters in one place away from home. I returned this semester knowing full-well what to expect. Well, except for the ripping at my heart in the separation from people I love. No matter the root reason, I know the answer is to seek the comfort of my Father. I won't believe that I'm alone, and I'm learning to stand in who I am regardless of my emotions.

I also stepped back into my internship with By The Hand this week. It's an inner-city after-school program for kids in an area notoriously known as some of Chicago's 'Projects'. This semester however, will look a little different. I'll be working one-on-one with a few of the older girls there. I have the opportunity to do some pre-college counseling, scholarship searching, touring, and applying with them. Beyond walking them through and encouraging them in the "what comes after high school" experience, I just feel blessed to do life with them. Today I was shook up as I got a verbal picture painted for me by one of my supervisors of one of the girls. The experiences these kids bring to the table are unbelievable. What they know as "normal", leaves my mouth gawking. Their backgrounds and their present is scattered with things I may never see, hear, or know in my lifetime. It breaks my heart. I have to be with them. I know this semester will hold a battlefield of emotions for me as I wrestle through the mental, spiritual, and relational things to come, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

These are just a couple of things that have already marked this season of my life as one of testing and refinement. I could ramble through other current experiences or add depth to what I've shared, but the bottom line is that I'm learning to live in the fire. I'm pretty raw and my reactions are mostly unpredictable, but I have agreed to be emotion-full before my Father. Here's to letting the Potter make my heart a little more like His.