I'm in a writing class this semester under a professor that I very much respect... but her class is kicking my butt a little bit.
I got to sit down with her one-on-one today and walk through the first paper I submitted. When I received it back I felt guilty - as though I owed her 13 cents - because I'm fairly certain an unfair amount of red ink was used on my paper. It was actually quite comical.
And call me a nerd, but I grew eager with the challenge. I love writing. I knew I wasn't great, but I had no idea how much room I have for improvement.
My greatest grammatical weaknesses: redundancy, vagueness, unnecessarily dramatic transitions, and adjective over-use. Today my professor took entire groups of sentences in my paper and summed them up in one noun or verb. It was beautiful to watch her do this.
Far be it from my expectations, it helped to emphasize what was supposed to be emphasized and maintained readability and creativity.
She says all I need is practice.
We both hope she's right :P.
February 9, 2011
February 3, 2011
another chapter
I'm teaching two Pre-K classes this semester at a Chinese Christian school. I'm learning more than I could've ever imagined.
Enter Friday's Super Scientists Class.
Bruce is four; he has the curiosity and energy to prove it.
He likes to know what everyone is doing, all of the time. Instead of sitting with his own project or experiment, he's typically found wandering from one peer to another until he's accounted for the where-abouts and what-abouts of the 11 other students. He likes to help, so it's not all bad.
Today there were three rotating stations. Bruce was very engaged in the first, but insisted on skipping the second - because the third looked more exciting. He didn't understand that the sequence was necessary to the learning process. He wouldn't be convinced that the rules were set up for his good. If only he would trust me and wait, something more and better than he was even imagining would come.
Kicking, flailing, and grunting I carried him to his seat. I tried to softly convince him of my reasoning. When that didn't work, I bribed him a little. And when that didn't phase him, I resorted to all out begging! It was as if he didn't hear me. Or perhaps it was that he was sure his way was best, and therefore deemed my input as untrustworthy and unnecessary.
The only time he would stay in his seat was if I were holding his hand, literally. He wasn't calm by any means, but he remained on the chair if he felt my hand and heard my voice. But having eleven other 'eager beavers' just doesn't allow for this sort of one-on-one attention consistently.
It was quite the scene. It resulted in spilt water and a mess of pepper. His experiment didn't work properly because his persistence to 'do it his way' proportioned the materials incorrectly. The sequence of unfortunate events continued as his clear disappointment turned into jealousy and frustration. Why didn't his experiment work? Did I (the teacher) mess his up on purpose!? And how did his shirt get wet and his table space full of black specs? At the end of the day all of the other kids had something to take home from the second station, but not Bruce.
Even in my frustration I empathized with my four year old friend.
I had to come to accept the fact that I have been in a similar mind-set, it just isn't as cute or excusable on me.
I'm found looking around and ahead as if I could wish my way into something else. I haven't lost joy or excitement in watching others be blessed, but I have been prone to jealousy - more than usual.
It's not that this "station" is bad or unpleasant; I just felt much more engaged in the last, and the next one looks a little more appealing from where I sit. I understand the concept of the 'big picture' and that this season of preparation is absolutely necessary; yet I'm found anxious in heart, mind, and body.
My selfishness wants to reach for control, wants to make a change just for the sake of change. Instead of listening, I'm frequently found trying to convince or bargain my way out of present circumstances.
Not-so-ironically, like Bruce, there are times I sit stupidly still as I feel the hand of the Teacher. I have moments where I am silently taken back by His attention, yet I am then quick to get distracted or squirm again.
Also like this four year old, I make a mess of things. I'm left frustrated and hurt by my own choosing; yet wanting to blame anything and anyone else.
It took me some time to see, and even more to admit. Now it's time for change. It's time I reconcile my attitude with the will of my Father. My heart is being refined, and I don't want to miss one beat. Again Philippians 2:13 is personified to and in me. It's time I look up instead of all around me, and time I kneel instead of run. I trust because my every need is met. I'm thirsty for wisdom and understanding. I feel the weight of the truths in Ecclesiastes;, learning to enjoy what I have and removing grief & anger from my heart, and pain from my body. I'm beginning to ache to live in light of Ephesians 5; imitating the Creator unconditionally and walking in His will.
I write today because my heart and mind are full. I write because I know my inconsistency needs an accountability restraint. and I write today in case you need to borrow my experience to let God speak to your heart.
Enter Friday's Super Scientists Class.
Bruce is four; he has the curiosity and energy to prove it.
He likes to know what everyone is doing, all of the time. Instead of sitting with his own project or experiment, he's typically found wandering from one peer to another until he's accounted for the where-abouts and what-abouts of the 11 other students. He likes to help, so it's not all bad.
Today there were three rotating stations. Bruce was very engaged in the first, but insisted on skipping the second - because the third looked more exciting. He didn't understand that the sequence was necessary to the learning process. He wouldn't be convinced that the rules were set up for his good. If only he would trust me and wait, something more and better than he was even imagining would come.
Kicking, flailing, and grunting I carried him to his seat. I tried to softly convince him of my reasoning. When that didn't work, I bribed him a little. And when that didn't phase him, I resorted to all out begging! It was as if he didn't hear me. Or perhaps it was that he was sure his way was best, and therefore deemed my input as untrustworthy and unnecessary.
The only time he would stay in his seat was if I were holding his hand, literally. He wasn't calm by any means, but he remained on the chair if he felt my hand and heard my voice. But having eleven other 'eager beavers' just doesn't allow for this sort of one-on-one attention consistently.
It was quite the scene. It resulted in spilt water and a mess of pepper. His experiment didn't work properly because his persistence to 'do it his way' proportioned the materials incorrectly. The sequence of unfortunate events continued as his clear disappointment turned into jealousy and frustration. Why didn't his experiment work? Did I (the teacher) mess his up on purpose!? And how did his shirt get wet and his table space full of black specs? At the end of the day all of the other kids had something to take home from the second station, but not Bruce.
Even in my frustration I empathized with my four year old friend.
I had to come to accept the fact that I have been in a similar mind-set, it just isn't as cute or excusable on me.
I'm found looking around and ahead as if I could wish my way into something else. I haven't lost joy or excitement in watching others be blessed, but I have been prone to jealousy - more than usual.
It's not that this "station" is bad or unpleasant; I just felt much more engaged in the last, and the next one looks a little more appealing from where I sit. I understand the concept of the 'big picture' and that this season of preparation is absolutely necessary; yet I'm found anxious in heart, mind, and body.
My selfishness wants to reach for control, wants to make a change just for the sake of change. Instead of listening, I'm frequently found trying to convince or bargain my way out of present circumstances.
Not-so-ironically, like Bruce, there are times I sit stupidly still as I feel the hand of the Teacher. I have moments where I am silently taken back by His attention, yet I am then quick to get distracted or squirm again.
Also like this four year old, I make a mess of things. I'm left frustrated and hurt by my own choosing; yet wanting to blame anything and anyone else.
It took me some time to see, and even more to admit. Now it's time for change. It's time I reconcile my attitude with the will of my Father. My heart is being refined, and I don't want to miss one beat. Again Philippians 2:13 is personified to and in me. It's time I look up instead of all around me, and time I kneel instead of run. I trust because my every need is met. I'm thirsty for wisdom and understanding. I feel the weight of the truths in Ecclesiastes;, learning to enjoy what I have and removing grief & anger from my heart, and pain from my body. I'm beginning to ache to live in light of Ephesians 5; imitating the Creator unconditionally and walking in His will.
I write today because my heart and mind are full. I write because I know my inconsistency needs an accountability restraint. and I write today in case you need to borrow my experience to let God speak to your heart.
January 31, 2011
Twenty One
I recently celebrated my 21st birthday :)! Enjoy a photo-roll from January 17th; visually accompanied with lyrics from Jonny Diaz's song More Beautiful You.
So turn around, you're not too far
To back away, be who you are
To change your path, go another way
It's not too late, you can be saved
If you feel depressed, with past regrets,
the shameful nights, hope to forget;
Can disappear, they can all be washed away
By the ONE who's strong, can right your wrongs;
Can rid your fears, dry all your tears
And change the way you look at this big world
HE will take your dark, distorted view,
and with HIS light HE will show you truth
And again you'll see, through the eyes of a little girl
There could never be a more beautiful you.
Don't buy the lies, disguises, hoops they make you jump through.
You were made to fill a purpose, that only you could do;
There could never be, a more beautiful you.
So turn around, you're not too far
To back away, be who you are
To change your path, go another way
It's not too late, you can be saved
If you feel depressed, with past regrets,
the shameful nights, hope to forget;
Can disappear, they can all be washed away
By the ONE who's strong, can right your wrongs;
Can rid your fears, dry all your tears
And change the way you look at this big world
HE will take your dark, distorted view,
and with HIS light HE will show you truth
And again you'll see, through the eyes of a little girl
There could never be a more beautiful you.
Don't buy the lies, disguises, hoops they make you jump through.
You were made to fill a purpose, that only you could do;
There could never be, a more beautiful you.
January 14, 2011
My Ache-y Break-y Heart
I like the Ravens, a lot. Now you may be found shaking your head or smirking. For which I'll cut you some slack seeing as this fetish did start semi-recently. But it proved it's genuineness as I watched the game on Saturday and found myself emotionally tied to the players and coaches. And they lost. I don't want to talk about that anymore.
Seriously though, my heart is ache-y brake-y lately and I come not to vent or complain, but to share.
I returned to Moody this semester, ready for the next thing(s). Having been filled with time at home among family and friends. Yet I have felt more separation this semester than ever before. I miss people like I never have before. Leaving has never really been difficult for me. But now that I'm a second semester junior in college it's harder than ever... haha, what!? I have a theory that it's simply because this is the first time I've spent three consecutive semesters in one place away from home. I returned this semester knowing full-well what to expect. Well, except for the ripping at my heart in the separation from people I love. No matter the root reason, I know the answer is to seek the comfort of my Father. I won't believe that I'm alone, and I'm learning to stand in who I am regardless of my emotions.
I also stepped back into my internship with By The Hand this week. It's an inner-city after-school program for kids in an area notoriously known as some of Chicago's 'Projects'. This semester however, will look a little different. I'll be working one-on-one with a few of the older girls there. I have the opportunity to do some pre-college counseling, scholarship searching, touring, and applying with them. Beyond walking them through and encouraging them in the "what comes after high school" experience, I just feel blessed to do life with them. Today I was shook up as I got a verbal picture painted for me by one of my supervisors of one of the girls. The experiences these kids bring to the table are unbelievable. What they know as "normal", leaves my mouth gawking. Their backgrounds and their present is scattered with things I may never see, hear, or know in my lifetime. It breaks my heart. I have to be with them. I know this semester will hold a battlefield of emotions for me as I wrestle through the mental, spiritual, and relational things to come, but I wouldn't have it any other way.
These are just a couple of things that have already marked this season of my life as one of testing and refinement. I could ramble through other current experiences or add depth to what I've shared, but the bottom line is that I'm learning to live in the fire. I'm pretty raw and my reactions are mostly unpredictable, but I have agreed to be emotion-full before my Father. Here's to letting the Potter make my heart a little more like His.
Seriously though, my heart is ache-y brake-y lately and I come not to vent or complain, but to share.
I returned to Moody this semester, ready for the next thing(s). Having been filled with time at home among family and friends. Yet I have felt more separation this semester than ever before. I miss people like I never have before. Leaving has never really been difficult for me. But now that I'm a second semester junior in college it's harder than ever... haha, what!? I have a theory that it's simply because this is the first time I've spent three consecutive semesters in one place away from home. I returned this semester knowing full-well what to expect. Well, except for the ripping at my heart in the separation from people I love. No matter the root reason, I know the answer is to seek the comfort of my Father. I won't believe that I'm alone, and I'm learning to stand in who I am regardless of my emotions.
I also stepped back into my internship with By The Hand this week. It's an inner-city after-school program for kids in an area notoriously known as some of Chicago's 'Projects'. This semester however, will look a little different. I'll be working one-on-one with a few of the older girls there. I have the opportunity to do some pre-college counseling, scholarship searching, touring, and applying with them. Beyond walking them through and encouraging them in the "what comes after high school" experience, I just feel blessed to do life with them. Today I was shook up as I got a verbal picture painted for me by one of my supervisors of one of the girls. The experiences these kids bring to the table are unbelievable. What they know as "normal", leaves my mouth gawking. Their backgrounds and their present is scattered with things I may never see, hear, or know in my lifetime. It breaks my heart. I have to be with them. I know this semester will hold a battlefield of emotions for me as I wrestle through the mental, spiritual, and relational things to come, but I wouldn't have it any other way.
These are just a couple of things that have already marked this season of my life as one of testing and refinement. I could ramble through other current experiences or add depth to what I've shared, but the bottom line is that I'm learning to live in the fire. I'm pretty raw and my reactions are mostly unpredictable, but I have agreed to be emotion-full before my Father. Here's to letting the Potter make my heart a little more like His.
January 11, 2011
one more year until the end of the world?
Hello blogging world! Long time, no see.
So many new things going on that I seem to be at a loss of where to start and what to share! It's 2011 & I find the word "resolutions" repulsive; but I've got some...
1. Keep a "Sabbath".
Those of you that know me are thinking "yeah right". But I'm serious. Come Sunday(s), you won't see me doing homework, working, or writing papers. I am going to spend time with my Creator and only engage in things that bring me joy and feed my soul. I love to paint. I bet you didn't know that. That's because I never have/make time to do it! I love watching the news and reading the newspaper, but I couldn't quote a headline from the past three months. I haven't touched Black Barbara (yes I named my guitar) in months. And I just may end up a little more sane if I take the time to read for pleasure (even during the semester)... whoa! I know, right? Anyway, I'll keep you posted on the adventures I have because of it. It'll be challenging, without a doubt, too. God has a sense of humor - or perhaps I have taken poor planning to the extreme; because I have 5 classes each Monday that will ask for assignments, test my knowledge, and require my preparedness. I'll have to be more disciplined that ever BUT it's worth it, to me. This is something God has been beckoning me into and it's time I take the invitation. He created us with a 6 and 1 rhythm in mind, and just maybe I'll come out looking a little more like Christ if I live like it?
2. I want to be able to run at least 8 miles without stopping.
I'm the most inconsistent exerciser ever. And publicly claiming this as a goal may require me to simply push my body to the death-point in December by unpreparedly running much further than physically capable. But maybe, hopefully, that won't be the case. Just maybe, hopefully, I'll prove myself wrong and be one step closer to fulfilling my 1/2 marathon life-goal!
3. I really want to lose 3 pounds.
Mean Girls, anyone?
4. I want to go to Africa.
Oh wait... I WILL BE!!
I've got a few more that I might reveal later, but this seems to be a good and hefty start =). For now, I'm off in a new semester at Moody and it's already a crazy ride but I have big and good expectations.
So many new things going on that I seem to be at a loss of where to start and what to share! It's 2011 & I find the word "resolutions" repulsive; but I've got some...
1. Keep a "Sabbath".
Those of you that know me are thinking "yeah right". But I'm serious. Come Sunday(s), you won't see me doing homework, working, or writing papers. I am going to spend time with my Creator and only engage in things that bring me joy and feed my soul. I love to paint. I bet you didn't know that. That's because I never have/make time to do it! I love watching the news and reading the newspaper, but I couldn't quote a headline from the past three months. I haven't touched Black Barbara (yes I named my guitar) in months. And I just may end up a little more sane if I take the time to read for pleasure (even during the semester)... whoa! I know, right? Anyway, I'll keep you posted on the adventures I have because of it. It'll be challenging, without a doubt, too. God has a sense of humor - or perhaps I have taken poor planning to the extreme; because I have 5 classes each Monday that will ask for assignments, test my knowledge, and require my preparedness. I'll have to be more disciplined that ever BUT it's worth it, to me. This is something God has been beckoning me into and it's time I take the invitation. He created us with a 6 and 1 rhythm in mind, and just maybe I'll come out looking a little more like Christ if I live like it?
2. I want to be able to run at least 8 miles without stopping.
I'm the most inconsistent exerciser ever. And publicly claiming this as a goal may require me to simply push my body to the death-point in December by unpreparedly running much further than physically capable. But maybe, hopefully, that won't be the case. Just maybe, hopefully, I'll prove myself wrong and be one step closer to fulfilling my 1/2 marathon life-goal!
3. I really want to lose 3 pounds.
Mean Girls, anyone?
4. I want to go to Africa.
Oh wait... I WILL BE!!
I've got a few more that I might reveal later, but this seems to be a good and hefty start =). For now, I'm off in a new semester at Moody and it's already a crazy ride but I have big and good expectations.
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