Twenty One

I recently celebrated my 21st birthday :)! Enjoy a photo-roll from January 17th; visually accompanied with lyrics from Jonny Diaz's song More Beautiful You.



So turn around, you're not too far
To back away, be who you are


To change your path, go another way
It's not too late, you can be saved


If you feel depressed, with past regrets,
the shameful nights, hope to forget;
Can disappear, they can all be washed away


By the ONE who's strong, can right your wrongs;
Can rid your fears, dry all your tears


And change the way you look at this big world


HE will take your dark, distorted view,
and with HIS light HE will show you truth


And again you'll see, through the eyes of a little girl


There could never be a more beautiful you.
Don't buy the lies, disguises, hoops they make you jump through.

You were made to fill a purpose, that only you could do;
There could never be, a more beautiful you.

My Ache-y Break-y Heart

I like the Ravens, a lot. Now you may be found shaking your head or smirking. For which I'll cut you some slack seeing as this fetish did start semi-recently. But it proved it's genuineness as I watched the game on Saturday and found myself emotionally tied to the players and coaches. And they lost. I don't want to talk about that anymore.



Seriously though, my heart is ache-y brake-y lately and I come not to vent or complain, but to share.

I returned to Moody this semester, ready for the next thing(s). Having been filled with time at home among family and friends. Yet I have felt more separation this semester than ever before. I miss people like I never have before. Leaving has never really been difficult for me. But now that I'm a second semester junior in college it's harder than ever... haha, what!? I have a theory that it's simply because this is the first time I've spent three consecutive semesters in one place away from home. I returned this semester knowing full-well what to expect. Well, except for the ripping at my heart in the separation from people I love. No matter the root reason, I know the answer is to seek the comfort of my Father. I won't believe that I'm alone, and I'm learning to stand in who I am regardless of my emotions.

I also stepped back into my internship with By The Hand this week. It's an inner-city after-school program for kids in an area notoriously known as some of Chicago's 'Projects'. This semester however, will look a little different. I'll be working one-on-one with a few of the older girls there. I have the opportunity to do some pre-college counseling, scholarship searching, touring, and applying with them. Beyond walking them through and encouraging them in the "what comes after high school" experience, I just feel blessed to do life with them. Today I was shook up as I got a verbal picture painted for me by one of my supervisors of one of the girls. The experiences these kids bring to the table are unbelievable. What they know as "normal", leaves my mouth gawking. Their backgrounds and their present is scattered with things I may never see, hear, or know in my lifetime. It breaks my heart. I have to be with them. I know this semester will hold a battlefield of emotions for me as I wrestle through the mental, spiritual, and relational things to come, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

These are just a couple of things that have already marked this season of my life as one of testing and refinement. I could ramble through other current experiences or add depth to what I've shared, but the bottom line is that I'm learning to live in the fire. I'm pretty raw and my reactions are mostly unpredictable, but I have agreed to be emotion-full before my Father. Here's to letting the Potter make my heart a little more like His.

one more year until the end of the world?

Hello blogging world! Long time, no see.

So many new things going on that I seem to be at a loss of where to start and what to share! It's 2011 & I find the word "resolutions" repulsive; but I've got some...

1. Keep a "Sabbath".
Those of you that know me are thinking "yeah right". But I'm serious. Come Sunday(s), you won't see me doing homework, working, or writing papers. I am going to spend time with my Creator and only engage in things that bring me joy and feed my soul. I love to paint. I bet you didn't know that. That's because I never have/make time to do it! I love watching the news and reading the newspaper, but I couldn't quote a headline from the past three months. I haven't touched Black Barbara (yes I named my guitar) in months. And I just may end up a little more sane if I take the time to read for pleasure (even during the semester)... whoa! I know, right? Anyway, I'll keep you posted on the adventures I have because of it. It'll be challenging, without a doubt, too. God has a sense of humor - or perhaps I have taken poor planning to the extreme; because I have 5 classes each Monday that will ask for assignments, test my knowledge, and require my preparedness. I'll have to be more disciplined that ever BUT it's worth it, to me. This is something God has been beckoning me into and it's time I take the invitation. He created us with a 6 and 1 rhythm in mind, and just maybe I'll come out looking a little more like Christ if I live like it?

2. I want to be able to run at least 8 miles without stopping.
I'm the most inconsistent exerciser ever. And publicly claiming this as a goal may require me to simply push my body to the death-point in December by unpreparedly running much further than physically capable. But maybe, hopefully, that won't be the case. Just maybe, hopefully, I'll prove myself wrong and be one step closer to fulfilling my 1/2 marathon life-goal!

3. I really want to lose 3 pounds.
Mean Girls, anyone?

4. I want to go to Africa.
Oh wait... I WILL BE!!

I've got a few more that I might reveal later, but this seems to be a good and hefty start =). For now, I'm off in a new semester at Moody and it's already a crazy ride but I have big and good expectations.

(dis)comfort, (dis)placement

This semester I took a class titled "Race, Poverty, and Social Justice". It's been an extremely good experience. Through books, discussions, and interactions I have come nose to nose with challenging thoughts and beliefs of mine and others - both consciously and unconsciously. I could've communicated before this class that race and class issues existed, but never have I come into contact with the depth and extent of the perpetual levels of mess involved.

Throughout the class we were assigned to make "excursions" to different parts of Chicago, displacing ourselves into another culture. We spent time, in groups, in Chinatown, Little Village (majority Mexican), the South side (majority African American), and near Devon (majority Middle-Eastern). The pictures in this blog are from those trips.

Yet even beyond the trips, I was challenged to analyze my every cross-cultural interaction. It was fascinating to seemingly unlock pieces of my heart as I sought awareness. As time has gone on, even within the semester, I have become eager to cross boundaries of class and race. I've pursued the uncomfortable as the value in risk has unfolded. It's as if I caught this unshakable bug that won't rest without people knowing they have worth; especially people whom the rest of the world has written off. I crave to touch the "untouchable".

And honestly I don't really know how to go about it all yet. I don't know the right or best way of appropriately loving strangers (more or less), but I'm chasing answers. I'm carefully prayerful about it as I'm convinced it's God's heart to see and love people right where they're at. I'm learning to be still in the midst of new contexts and exchanges, knowing discernment takes time. And finally I've concluded that as long as I'm at school in the city, I won't be satisfied unless I'm smothering it on me - and me on it!

FFFFFF

FOOD
I've always enjoyed food; especially with good company. But this semester I've developed a particular interest in actually gaining an awareness of WHAT is in the food I'm eating. (Though, I've quickly learned that sometimes it's just best not to think about it). Anyway, this has led me - in a round about way - to want to learn to cook and bake more and better. (That was a ridiculous sentence grammatically, but I hope you can get past it and stay with me).

FRIEND
I'd like to introduce you to my friend Katie... she too wishes she had a million dollar gift card to Whole Foods; and she is just an all-around fantastic woman.

FUN
We decided that it would be fun to learn about food together and share some cooking/baking experiences. Being the creative women that we are, we of course opted to start our own "cooking show". Now I'm not sure you can call it a show because it hasn't yet been filmed and it's timing of events is very sporadic; BUT our dream is to eventually pay for our future children's college tuition(s) with it's profit ;)!

FLAMMABLE
We have named our show Flammable (for which you will see why shortly) and given it the tag-line of "No Recipes Allowed!" (because we've agreed to never use a recipe, besides those stored within our mind). (I really need to stop using parentheses). You don't need to know all of the rules to appreciate the concept.

FAIL
Our first attempt was home/dorm-made granola. It was developing just fine until we doused it in honey, turned the oven to 385 degrees, and then went to our room to talk about boys... I mean work on homework ... - forgetting to set a timer. Needless to say, those are not chocolate chips or chocolate residue on the pan. That's charcoaled, torched, carcinogen-flavored granola. Hahahahah!


FINALLY
We just couldn't settle for failure, so we adjusted some of our ingredients and tried a second time. After air-ing out the kitchen and cleaning the pan, of course, we claimed success; having made a delicious midnight snack, sharing a stomach-wrenching laugh, and agreeing to double the recipe next time.



...more adventures to come