I shouldn't do homework near windows.
So I was reading by a window overlooking a corner in Chicago, (well kind of I was reading - but mostly I was staring out the window). I was most captivated by the pedestrian cross lights. At first it was simply entertaining to count the number of times the orange hand flashed before it held solid; and it became a game for me to count-down in my mind when it would turn to a walk sign again. Then I couldn't help but be a sort of mesmerized watching the pedestrians themselves; all of them with a place to go, seemingly something to do. What was most interesting is that regardless of age, race, assumed occupation, etc, nobody was interested in waiting. If the friendly walk light changed to a flashing hand, an urgency seemed to sweep over the intersection as people went from walking to jogging to make it across the crosswalk avoiding a wait. It was a rather humorous scene to watch from a window, but I couldn't laugh in a mocking manner because I so readily identified with that behavior.
The tendency of human nature is to be impatient.
I used to pride myself in claiming I was patient. In my mind I deserved a gold star for being the last to get a plate of food without complaint, passing out presents before opening mine, standing in a long retail line with joy, or waiting for a child to cooperate. I glorified myself in successfully holding out in things that ultimately didn't matter. But watching these people scurry across the street, racing the blinking orange hand, got the wheels turning in my mind...
I don't like to wait.
The reality is, when it comes to the real stuff (i.e. God's blessing) I've been so impatient. Quite frankly, waiting is uncomfortable; it's heavy, and confusing. Especially when you feel like nobody else has to wait. Instead of waiting, we resort to reaching out and beyond God's Will... idol worship. When it feels like He's taking too long, we have the choice to reach to finish the job or find relief; OR simply sit in the weight of waiting*. Sometimes God even sends us nice orange flashing lights, that we might just wait (in the confident hope that Romans 12 talks about). Yet in our free will, we still get to choose. What we sometimes don't realize is the foolishness of it all. We'd usually rather risk getting hit by a moving vehicle than wait the extra 45 seconds to cross the street. The same is true with God's timing in my life. There are times that I can see His promise, but instead of waiting on Him, I (against all warning signs) run and reach. What I failed to realize until now is the destruciveness of it all.
It can't be idol worship...
I never used to like the idea of even talking about idol worship. I don't have any obscure statues in my closets or shrines under my bed. As far as I was concerned, I worshipped God and God alone. Ironically, (or not), what I'm learning this week is that I have some repenting to do, because I'm guilty of idol worship. I've held on to back-up plans and tried to find my security in worthless things of the world. Especially when it comes to finances, I've ran around frantically like God isn't big enough to take care of me. Instead of learning to wait on the Lord, I began to resort to worshipping "mammon", the god of money. I asked money to be more than it is, I began to give it authority over my life. When that wasn't working for me, I tried worshipping "sophia", the god of human wisdom. I thought maybe if I could just know enough things, then I'd feel better. The truth is, idols leave you feeling unsatisfied, insecure, unsure, divided, and confused. Idols don't mind sharing us with other idols as long as we're distracted from the truth. The truth is that they only produce an unhealthy fear in our hearts. Therein lies the reason that waiting is so gosh darn uncomfortable: we fear that God might be like every other idol we've worshipped. But His every word proves that He's not:
1) God will not share our hearts with the idols we worship. Exodus 34:14 says "You must worship no other gods, for the Lord, whose very name is Jealous, is a God who is jealous about his relationship with you" (NLT).
2) God satisfies, "You open your hand, you satisfy the desire of every living thing", Psalm 145:16 (ESV).
3) He is a God of security, "You need not to be afraid of sudden disaster or the destruction that comes upon the wicked, for the Lord is your security. He will keep your foot from being caught in a trap", Proverbs 3:25-26 (NLT)
...I could go on and on of the truths that I've been learning this week.
You will look like the God you worship*.
(You become like the ones you spend time with). If I want to know peace, to know joy, to know love... that means I am to worship the One who created them. If I want to be refined, I have to change the way I choose to live. I have to destroy the alters, give up hiding, let go of cultural heroes, change the way I spend my free time, and feel the weight of waiting. In return I get Freedom. I am transformed to be more and more like Jesus. I am taken "from one degree of glory to another"**. I don't wake early in the morning because I don't like sleep; but rather because I have the privilege of entering into the presence of the King of Kings each and every day. I don't skip social events because I don't like people; but because I serve a jealous God that is worthy of my time, prayer, and praise. It's his transformation of my heart, his refining of my soul, that compels me to ache for the Kingdom. Just when I thought a school like this would open my eyes to see a world that needs God, my heart has actually been most softened to the fact that I need God.
*This idea is taken from Valleybrook Church's January 17th message
**2 Corinthians 3:18, ESV
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